My Journey With:
Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I Rapid Cycling With Psychotic Features ~ Migraines ~ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Self-Harm ~ Bilateral Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Specific Phobias ~ Chronic Daily Headache ~ Eczema
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Unbelievable events when trying to get "houseguests" out
Well, here is the update from talking to them. It did not go good. In fact I can barely imagine it going any worst. Tiffany got very, very, very angry and started yelling at the top of her lungs at DH. Mind you, this is all on the front porch where neighbors could hear. Then DH got mad at started yelling back. I walked out there and told them they had four fucking weeks to find a place to live. Mind you, my therapist and Jim's therapist said they need to get out for our mental health. Then Tiffany started screaming about how fucked up I was for SI (self-injury). How on earth she knew about it I don't know. I am just coming forth with this big, shameful secret I've carried with me for so long. DH and Tiffany were screaming and I added some yells in there, too. The only person who never yelled was Derick. (I'm not sure if that is how he spells his name.) Then Tiffany started screaming about how fucked up and mentally ill and crazy I am. That hurt so deeply, so did her making fun of SI, which I've struggled with for so long. SI can become an addiction for some people, and I am one of those people. Then Tiffany called the police on us for trying to throw her out. DH had told them before they called the police that they better get out now, rather than Friday. DH was packing up their groceries for them. Then two police cars came. They told us that if we want them to leave we have to to before a judge and get them evicted because they are considered residents if they live there for over a week. We had no idea about this Missouri law. If we take them to court our landlord will find out and we will be evicted along with our two babies, our kitties Sterling and Niki. We don't want to be homeless! So we can't take them to court. I went into the bedroom where I tried to calm down because I couldn't stop crying. I don't like people to see me cry. So after a bit I decided to try to make peace and went outside on the steps and told them that I was sorry for saying I wanted them out since day one. I kinda did mean it, but I told them I didn't and said it out of anger and I was sorry. Derick said okay, but then Tiffany started jumping my ass for how dare I say that. I apologized three times before I gave up and went back into the house while she was still screaming at me. I went inside and put their frozen foods up that Jim got out and put into a bag when we were trying to kick them out. I didn't want their food to spoil. So then I went back to the bedroom because I started crying again. While there I had bad flashbacks about my dad. I cried and cried and once again I was weak and stupid and did SI. Then I took a hot shower so that I could think and relax. DH came into the bathroom while I was in the shower and said he had to go over to someone's house for a bit. He told Derick that I'm afraid of Tiffany; she could so kick my ass and she is violent. So while Jim left Derick stayed here so that she wouldn't be alone with me. I truly am scared of her. I hate living with someone I'm scared of. Derick said he will try to get the situation fixed as soon as possible. Derick is a pretty nice guy. He's mellow, really smart, and overall a nice guy. Tiffany I can't stand and am scared of. I still want them out. I want them out so bad. Now we have no way of getting them out since we can't go to court over it. Why would someone want to live somewhere where they really aren't wanted?
The explanation of my current stress and horrible "house guests"
You don’t realize how much you depend on the Internet and TV for entertainment. The loss of Internet meant the most to me. I'm so glad it's back on, though we still don't have cable TV. Admittedly, I do not have many friends and I cannot leave the house very often from pain. The Internet and pen pals are my ways of connecting with the outside world. My most visited sites, other than gmail, are Twitter and Facebook. On Twitter I have “tweeps” from all corners of the world that I tweet back and forth with. I think most people I follow are spoonies, feminists, Pagans, and LGBTQI peoples. On Facebook most of my friends are EDSers, fibromites, and people from C-PTSD groups. I also get to “see” my friends who aren’t spoonies. I was so afraid that the friends I’ve made online would have moved on and forgotten me by the time I get the Internet back. I really missed them, I really missed you all!
We’ve had people staying at our house all summer long. The car has also been broken down all summer, too. First we had Brandon stay two and a half weeks. I would have turned him out after one night but DH is worried about being mean. I don’t think I’m mean. I have had people step on me all my life with shitty shoes; I do not want to be taken advantage of anymore. So Brandon, like I said, stayed two and a half very, very long weeks. The situation wasn’t made better by the fact that I cannot stand Brandon for too many reasons to list. Among those reasons would be taking advantage of DH’s and mine hospitality. While I was never mean to Brandon I didn’t hide the fact that I don’t like him. One reason I don’t like him is because DH heard Brandon say more than once he thinks this 14 year old girl across the street is “fucking hot,” and he’d like to “fuck her.” Brandon is not a teenager, he’s 21 years old. His most recent girlfriend is 16. I consider 16 child molesting and definitely consider a 21 year old man wanting to have sex with a 14 year old not only wrong, but it is child molesting. I wouldn’t be surprised if Brandon actually molested a little girl someday, if you don't count the 16 year old. He even says that stuff when watching TV and a young teen girl comes on. Apparently he doesn’t realize that he is sick and disgusting. If he asks me though, I’ll be happy to tell him he’s a sick child molester in training, if not already molesting young girls.
So after two and a half weeks of hell, in which I told my DH, every night I wanted him out; someone else came along to take advantage of DH’s kindness. Tiffany and Derick and their son Dawlton came one night saying they had no place to go. Let me make this point clear…I only agreed to this because they have a 3 year old boy. Well, they asked to stay one night. The one night turned into them wanting to stay until the 4th, when their TANF check would come in. For those of you who don’t know what TANF is, it is emergency government aid for families. Well DH talked me into letting them stay until the 4th of September, though I really didn’t want to let them. The reason I didn’t care about them going is I found out that Tiffany’s mother takes care of Dawlton all the time. So the child had a place to go after all.
Well the 4th came and went and they swore they never got the check. Considering the day I write this is September 22nd and they never talk about how they “never got the check” anymore. Maybe they realized their lies are so obviously lies that they no longer say them. I don’t know. I just want them out. They swore they’d look for jobs once and a place to live. Yeah…whatever.
They looked for jobs and a place to live for one day; it was Friday, September 3rd. I remember because I was getting excited to have my house back again. Surprisingly they didn’t find a job and place to live on that one day. I know, it’s shocking isn’t it? It “grinds my gears,” as Peter Griffin says, that they never knock, just come right in. I told them a few days ago and so did DH to stop that. Now they do one quick knock and open the door immediately.
I know I’m not a mother, and I know it’s not nice to judge someone, but Tiffany is a bad mother. She lets Dawlton spank her and hit her. Yes, I am serious. He also screams nonstop unless he is asleep. Dawlton is 3 years old. He’s also never been taught manners at all. You can barely understand him talking, he doesn’t know his colors, shapes, or alphabet, he is completely unfamiliar with manners, he thinks it is not only okay to hit, but it’s funny. He keeps stealing our kitty’s toys, too. He almost poked Niki in the eye with her favorite toy. After that I went and hid all of the toys I thought he may hurt my cat with. If he poked my cat’s eye out I totally claim no responsibility for what I do to Tiffany. I can just say that Tiffany would be in bad shape. It hurts to get knocked in the head by a spoonie’s cane. I’m non-violent, but hurt my DH or our kitties and all that flows out the window. As far as I’m concerned my family comes first always. If you hurt someone my family…well watch out…seriously.
I kicked them out a week and a half ago, but DH came in after me and told them they could stay because Tiffany was crying. That was the night when Tiffany and Derick tried to kill each other. They were on the front porch and she punched him then he punched her. Then they were on the ground, him strangling her and she was landing punches in his pace. She’s a big girl, too, with a slightly masculine build. She weighs more that Derick and I wouldn’t be surprised if those punches gave him a headache for awhile. It was drama, drama, drama and my flashbacks increased dramatically after that and so did DH's seizures.
The other day Tiffany and Dawlton spilled what must have been half a gallon of Kool-aid in the fridge and all over the rug. Did she clean it up? Nope, it’s still there. She just said “Oh well, it isn’t like the carpet isn’t ruined anyway.” Then she left it there! It’s all in the fridge and all over a large section on the floor in front of the fridge. Today I guess I have to go and clean out the fridge and scrub the Kool-aid stains before it sets, if it hasn’t already.
DH thinks that we need to handle the situation delicately. I don’t. I just wanna walk into the room and tell them to get out soon. I want them out in the next 24 hours, but we are giving them until Friday. They haven't looked for a place to stay, except for that one day. So am I bothered by throwing them out? No. They have had plenty of time to find a place to live a hunt for a job. If they were actually really looking for jobs and a place to live I wouldn’t be so angry. They are just taking advantage of us. I want them out so bad!
I'll blog a (hopefully shorter) blog after 5:30 and after we get them to leave on Friday to let you all know what is going on. Sorry this one is so long and thanks for reading it.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Did it happen or not?
Jim thinks I did not have a mini-stroke. The doctor did not testing, he just gave me a short physical exam, which went normal. I think it isn't impossible I had the mini-stroke because I have PCOS and was on birth control pills. With careful consideration I have come to the conclusion that I probably didn't have a mini-stroke, but instead had a strange seizure, unlike ones I'm ever had before. I could only walk one way as one side of my body couldn't lead me anywhere. I drug my foot and had to have Jim actually turn me around so I could get into the house. I almost went out in the road like that. I know that the one side of body deal does point to it, but I don't know for sure. I just think I'll take a low dose aspirin daily after all, just in case.
I don't think I'm worried too much, I just want to get everything straight and if it was one then to prevent a massive stroke.
I don't think I'm worried too much, I just want to get everything straight and if it was one then to prevent a massive stroke.
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